DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Breaking The Chain

We can only guess at your reason for visiting this section....Maybe you are concerned about a friend or relative; maybe you have taken refuge on this page out of desperation; as a last resort or maybe because you didn't know where else to turn. One thing you must realise is that, whatever you are going through, however bad your life is, you do not have to struggle through on your own.

Do not be afraid to seek help from your local police. Contact your Liaison officers, Karl Llewellyn (Uttlesford District) or Susan Keefe (Braintree District) who will be able to give you advice and practical help, if you need it. (For more information about your liaison Officers, see our section on "Hate Crimes") The information on these pages is sound, trusted advice. Please read it. The Home Office produces a booklet called "Breaking The Chain." It can be obtained from your local police station or library and includes a wallet-sized card with useful phone numbers.

Three Important Steps Male or female...there are three steps you should take if you are a victim of domestic violence. Take a look at them (below) and ACT NOW!

Step One: Recognise and understand that it IS happening to you!

Domestic Violence is something that happens to other people, not to you, right? WRONG! The problem is that you may have lived with it for so long that you no longer recognise it for what it is. Any physical, mental, sexual or emotional abuse is domestic violence. The worst is carried out against women by men; they are stronger and more prone to using physical force. However, there are many men who suffer appalling abuse too. and we must not forget them.

Step Two: Accept and believe that you are NOT to blame!

No one has the right to abuse another and no one ever deserves to be abused. If you are assaulted it is not your fault. Many people seem to accept that the violence must be a punishment that they deserved. "It was my fault he got angry, I was late home. He was worried. I know he loves me" "It's not his fault. I know he has a quick temper. I should have been more careful" "It was a one-off. I'm sure he won't do it again. Such reasoning is way off target. Remember: No one has the right to abuse another and no one ever deserves to be abused.

Step Three: Get help without delay!

The decision to seek help can be very hard. Some people often believe that the abuse won't happen again. Sadly, it usually does. Many have lived with it for so long that they are too frightened to leave, for fear of reprisals. Many  mothers are frightened that if they leave with the children, they will not be able to look after them properly. They also fear for the childrens' safety if they leave them behind. "Where can I go?" - "I can't just dump myself on my family" - I don't want to involve my friends" Sometimes these are all excuses; a way of avoiding making that big decision. If things are bad and you have the courage, then just run. Seek help from a trusted friend or the police. However, provided that you can bide your time, it is much better to plan your "escape" beforehand.  You need to consider such details as accommodation, employment, schooling and finance. If you cannot do this on your own, then check out our contact numbers on the next page. If you live near Saffron Walden, there is a drop-in centre where you can get help and advice. It is open on the first Wednesday of each month, from 10am to 12 noon. You will find it at the Citizen's Advice Bureau, Barnards Yard. Just remember, Once you have broken free - once you have found the support you need - you need never live in fear again!

Where Else Can I Get  Help & Support? Life CAN be great again. You CAN break free. You CAN break the chain. You CAN do what you want. You CAN be safe and happy. We're not suggesing that it will be easy. We know how hard it is to make the decision to leave your situation, let alone actually putting things into action. It takes courage and determination. If  possible, plan your actions in advance. Consider things like accomodation, schooling, employment etc. BUT if things are really bad and you fear for your safety or the safety of your children then just GO! Listed below are some of the organisations that exist for no other purpose than to  give you advice, support and practical help to assist your escape from domestic violence. Please use them....and life could be great again! Women's Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline Expert free advice on all aspects of your problem, with referrals to other agencies as neccessary. Open from 10am-5pm Mon -Thurs. 10am-3pm Fridays. At other times via your phone book or www.womensaid.org.uk 0345 023468 Women's Aid Refuge Services There are about 300 local refuges, advice centres, outreach services and local helplines. Check your local papers, guides and the phone book. Details should also be available via your library, Citizen's Advice Bureau or police station. Check phone book, libraries or police. Refuge 24-Hour National Crisis Line 24-Hours a day, 7 days a week, this service will give you immediate support and practical help. This includes referrals for women and their children to refuges throughout the country 0990 995443 Men's Advice Line If you are a male experiencing domestic violence, you may feel that there is no support available, or that you may be held up as a figure of fun. Well there is help for you  and you will be respected. Open from 9am -10pm on Mondays and Weds. 0181 644 9914 Victim Support All victims of crime benefit from this service and what's more, the crime does not have to be reported to the police first. It is free and confidential. You can contact your local branch via the police, or contact the national helpline from 9am-9pm Mon-Fri and 9am-7pm at Weekends. 0845 3030900 Shelterline Emergency refuge access 0808 800 4444 The Police Your local police station should have a trained Domestic Violence Liaison Officer, who will be able to advise you and put you in touch with other agencies. Sometimes DVLO involvement with both parties can help to bring perspective to the situation and help to prevent further problems. However, your safety is the first priority. Contact your local police station or dial 999  or 112 in an emergency National Health Service Depression is a common side effect of domestic violence. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You are not "mad". Depression is a clinical illness caused by chemical changes that affect the brain. It is treatable and curable. If you are frequently tearful or hysterical, if you can't sleep and feel exhausted or out of control, then seek help from your GP. Watch your children too. They can become anxious and suffer behavioural changes. Your GP can help in many ways. Speak to him/her Contact your GP For emergency treatment to injuries dial 999 The Samaritans 24-Hour support for anyone in crisis. Find your local branch in your phone book, or use the national crisis number. 0345 909090 National Child Protection Helpline The NSPCC provides a free and confidential service for people worried about the welfare of children  who might be at risk. 0800 0560566 Careline A national counselling service for children and young people in crisis. Help is available for abuse, rape, sexual assault, family matters, bullying depression and many other problems. 0181 514 1177 Relate If you feel that there may be hope for a reconcilliation, if perhaps you feel that there is hope for change and future happiness with your partner, then maybe you should both consider seeking support from this excellent organisation. Remember however, that it is vital for you to recognise when things will not get better, and to do something positive to help yourself. Local number in your Phone Book TOP